the chat ping

I sat at the computer, anxious for every reply.
That annoying sound of the next chat line,
The chat "ping" was
my muse.

I joked with lol's and omg's about how I had never been to the fair before,
how I left my camera disk at her house,
despite the fact I only missed the homemade pillow I had left there as well.
I still remember the feeling in my veins,
they pulsed not from my heart but from somewhere else,
a place in my body of not knowing what was wrong, what could happen next
before she typed I knew the place where my veins pumped from,
was a place I never wanted to feel again.

A place where I was speechless.
A place where did not know what to say,
but still typed endlessly.
A place where I tried to comfort with phrases, "God is in control"
but where I also felt like I needed to type the phrase to myself

I had to make the phone call to her mother,
to tell her what had happened...
I felt the cruel possibilities in my fingertips with every number
With every time I heard a pause in between a ring
and the answer of her mothers voicemail
My heart skipped a beat.

another call

another skipped beat

I type anything I can
to try to get her mind off of what could have happened to her father
her vivid description of "what if" and another motorcycle accident
brought me to tears

another call

another skipped beat

I try to type that everything was ok,
for the 7th or 8th time
but she told me to shhh,
I got a hold of myself, (thank goodness)

another call

another skipped beat

another skipped beat

I heard a voice, the first sound I heard
aside from my heart's heavy beats
and the sound of my mind racing like a cross-country adolecent
she told me that he was alright
he was ok

I typed to her as fast as I could
she left the computer to find a phone,
her phone had no minutes,
no way of communication

I typed anything
everything
I poured out my soul in every line hoping
that my soul could scream through the sound of the next chat "ping"
that she could hear the best news I had ever heard

the news that everything was alright
that God was in control