New me

This is gonna be just me writing, not a poem or anything, sorry, but I just need to write this out.

New Me

I walked into school, I knew that this would happen, not fear, but uncertainty
Uncertainty of what my friends would think of me,
not anything I had done
not anything I had said
not anything I had forgot
not anything I didn't keep tabs on

but uncertainty of me, the new me
I had grown so much spiritually, with my friends always hanging out,
always being there, always watching out,
and now, they aren't gone,
but that crutch of having them be my spiritual accountability is gone

I am almost on my own, just me and God walk through those halls
Its not lonelyness that gets to me
its the eyes on me,
people I used to call friends have noticed my changes to be more like God,
and I know they don't like it,

but I wont stop, I am commited to my changes
I doubt I haven't shown it this summer but I know my spirit has grown strong enough,
I can make it through this,

this is what this whole summer has lead up to,
the laughter,
the youth group meetings,
the helium,
the awesome,
the losses,
the commitments,

this is what it all comes down to, whether I will adjust to the school schedule or adjust to my peers, adjust to these stressors or adjust to the way I conduct myself.

I will be missing church due to events planned ahead of time, so these 2 or 3 weeks will be the hardest for me,
pray for me


I will keep my promise, and be pure, I won't give my self away, fool around, and I will think of you,
I wish it were as easy as everyone to cease their being as the opposite sex, but it will never be that easy,
but know you are worth it, and I will keep my promise.

Nervous about perfect girl

Ok, well I am kinda nervous about doing this, but I am going to ask the most perfect girl in the world out to subway today. She, well she is perfect to me, thus, the title of this blog.
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Ummm, I wrote her this poem during first service, and I hope she likes it. I still have the tattered journal paper I wrote it on, and I am crazy nervous. In case you didn't know, perfect girl, has been the subject of many of my poems so far. So, I hope you don't read this before I read it to you in person perfect girl.
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Perfect Girl:
Please dont read this yet! Just stop reading! Yes, I am typing to you!
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Everyone else:
Pray I don't pass out.
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Ode to perfection (Know I am just happy to see you))
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No matter how many compliments, awards or aspirations
Uncertainties, setbacks, and fate's cruel limitations
No matter when, where, why or what I do
Know that I am just happy to see you
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Stinging orange air freshener up my nose
Sharpie doodles all over my clothes
The pool water tightens our jeans
My eyes on you, are filled with chlorine
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When your eyes hurt after you have just wept
When your tired because of how little you slept
No matter when, where, why or what I do
Know that I am just happy to see you
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When you feel heavy, remember to me your as light as a feather
When you havent even had breakfast, and are feeling under the weather
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When you are
happy
sad
ecstatic
mad
amazing
tired
talented
wired
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When we spend time together, time I always savor* (pronounced gangster - sav.ah.)
Always know I am happy to see you, my gorgeous and perfect, perfect girl.
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It is really hard to rhyme things with your name.
it is worth it though.
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Hair color

This is kinda late, but I dyed my hair brown.
Yep, if you didn't notice, it's cool.

Now I just need to dye my hair blonde, white, and that's it!

wow.

oh, and on a minor note, it was really late when I did the last couple of posts so if they were too awkward, deep, or anything else, sorry. I was tired.